"I've got a lot that's on my mind"

I don't know why I feel so down today. 

I mean, it's been a pretty fantastic week so far! Spending two days with my big sister, Erin. Yesterday was full of reasons to jump for joy.  How great is my life??? PRETTY GREAT.  I even went to my new apartment today.  Which was honestly AMAZING.  I have never been so excited to live my life. 

And for some reason I feel empty. 

 I think It's my lack of spiritual strength.  I forget how important the light of Christ is and I always want to have that with me.  I want to shine so bright that others can barrow my light whenever they've lost theirs.  I guess I should find mine before I think about helping others.  It's probably under the bed or something...I'm always losing things under there ;)

Here's my venting session;

I feel like in the short two weeks I've been here I am already gaining more distance between me and the people I love.  And I feel like I have no one to talk to! It's weird when you go from having a lot Friends to spend time with, to having no friends at all.  It's hard not to have a lot of people to talk to. even more so when you're going through so much change! 

I'm also stressed I won't find a job.  I'm stressed I'm going to fail out of college.  I'm stressed that I won't get into the Imagine dragons concert. haha I'm stressed that I am being the depressed person I hate. 

I JUST WANT TO SMILE!!!! And it's easy to post quotes about being happy. It's easy to listen to happy music as you walk around happy places.  But when you get home, and you're sitting on you're bed watching the hundredth episode of 'How I Met Your Mother', at one point you have to turn it off.

.

Then you lay there in the dark, forced to face your thoughts. 

It's then when I truly understand how I feel.  And for the most part, I feel happy.  I feel excited, blessed, loved, safe, and full of potential. I am following my dreams.  I'm doing everything to fulfill  my full potential right? Wrong.  Because you can work hard at anything, but without confidence in yourself or the light of Christ you won't go far.  I can sit here and complain about being lonely and down, but it won't solve anything.

I want to look up. I want to strive to be my best. I want forgive and forget. I want to soar.

It's like when I'm up on campus, and I'm looking down at Salt Lake City.  The towering buildings and the busy,never ending roads, always make my heart pound with excitement.  For some reason the "big city" and the unfamiliar gives me such a passion for life.  I think that's why I love going to new places.  Because it reminds me how I want to feel all the time.

I don't need to be looking at the Eiffel tower to feel a passion for my life.  I want to be laying in my bed looking forward to the next day as if I were going to see the Italy or Paris or Greece. 

And someday, I'll figure out just how to do that.