It has been so very long since I've even attempted to write in my blog, but I want to try and be better at it.
So, I am at the U of U right now and it's great! I love Salt Lake and my roommates and my life! Sometimes I wake up and am like, "oh yeah...I live here...this is my life." haha it's been a huge adventure and I'm learning a lot. I have met some great people, but most of all, really gotten to know my roommates, Amanda and Ashtin. They are so great and I learn from them everyday. They have both been through a lot but they are still so positive and strong in the gospel. We go to the singles ward, and we don't really love it. We're trying to though... haha. Classes are going well, it's definitely different from high school. I like it a lot and think I know what I want to be when I grow up! It's called a child life specialist and they help children get through stuff like heart surgery or car accidents. They just go around the hospital and talk them through things. So I'll probably major in physiology or anthropology, then do the mandatory residency. I'm really excited about it :) ANYWAY. I will write more soon :) GO UTES! ;)
Yesterday we went to the farmers market in Pioneer Park. They have it every Saturday. I had never been to a market like that before! They sold clothes, art, and produce! We bought some of the greatest peaches I've ever tasted and some other fruits&vegetables. There were different musicians at every corner of the park playing violins, guitars, banjo's, and the didgeridoo. If you're wondering what a didgeridoo is, I have no idea how to explain it. It's a hippie instrument ;) It was fun being surrounded by music and creative ideas. It was such a fun atmosphere and I am can't wait to go again!
The best part of the day is when we saw this lady with a pet goat.
I mean, it's been a pretty fantastic week so far! Spending two days with my big sister, Erin. Yesterday was full of reasons to jump for joy. How great is my life??? PRETTY GREAT. I even went to my new apartment today. Which was honestly AMAZING. I have never been so excited to live my life.
And for some reason I feel empty.
I think It's my lack of spiritual strength. I forget how important the light of Christ is and I always want to have that with me. I want to shine so bright that others can barrow my light whenever they've lost theirs. I guess I should find mine before I think about helping others. It's probably under the bed or something...I'm always losing things under there ;)
Here's my venting session;
I feel like in the short two weeks I've been here I am already gaining more distance between me and the people I love. And I feel like I have no one to talk to! It's weird when you go from having a lot Friends to spend time with, to having no friends at all. It's hard not to have a lot of people to talk to. even more so when you're going through so much change!
I'm also stressed I won't find a job. I'm stressed I'm going to fail out of college. I'm stressed that I won't get into the Imagine dragons concert. haha I'm stressed that I am being the depressed person I hate.
I JUST WANT TO SMILE!!!! And it's easy to post quotes about being happy. It's easy to listen to happy music as you walk around happy places. But when you get home, and you're sitting on you're bed watching the hundredth episode of 'How I Met Your Mother', at one point you have to turn it off.
.
Then you lay there in the dark, forced to face your thoughts.
It's then when I truly understand how I feel. And for the most part, I feel happy. I feel excited, blessed, loved, safe, and full of potential. I am following my dreams. I'm doing everything to fulfill my full potential right? Wrong. Because you can work hard at anything, but without confidence in yourself or the light of Christ you won't go far. I can sit here and complain about being lonely and down, but it won't solve anything.
I want to look up. I want to strive to be my best. I want forgive and forget. I want to soar.
It's like when I'm up on campus, and I'm looking down at Salt Lake City. The towering buildings and the busy,never ending roads, always make my heart pound with excitement. For some reason the "big city" and the unfamiliar gives me such a passion for life. I think that's why I love going to new places. Because it reminds me how I want to feel all the time.
I don't need to be looking at the Eiffel tower to feel a passion for my life. I want to be laying in my bed looking forward to the next day as if I were going to see the Italy or Paris or Greece.
I went camping with my Dad and step Mom this weekend! We found this great spot right next to the river. It was hidden but still close to the road. We set up camp and my Dad had already caught a fish within his first few minutes of being there. It was great because he scared JJ with the fish and she screamed sooo loud! And he just nonchalantly threw the fish back into the river as he walked away.
He's a pretty funny guy :)
That night it started pouring pretty hard so I went in my tent to read my book. I just ended up eating Chips Ahoy cookies and listening to the rain. I feel asleep pretty soon after that and woke up a couple hours later. haha
So we all got in one tent (dogs included) and my pops read us a "goodnight story" before I went back to my tent. It was probably the greatest bedtime story I have ever heard. ;) I couldn't fall asleep that night so I went outside after laying in my lime green sleeping bag for a hour-ish. The sky had cleared up and the stars/moon were sooo beautiful! :)
The next day we ate at the lodge down the road and then took the canoe out on the lake. We call it the "scanoe" :) after seeing the incoming clouds, we decided to cut our trip short and pack up to go. It was a blast though! My Dad did some much needed fishing and I got to see the milky way! haha It was really fun and I can't wait for many more camping trips :)
Yesterday I had so much fun wandering around SLC! I started my adventure on the U of U campus. I went to the book store, got some of my last few questions answered, and wandered around the school. I took the little bus around campus and then up to the TRAX station. I had never ridden on the trains before, so I got on one that took me to downtown salt lake. I somehow ended up in the City Creek Mall and found somewhere to plug in my phone. (I got a new phone by the way...and it's AWESOME!)
Anyway, I wanted to head to Provo to see my big sister, Erin. So I went to find a schedule or a person or anything that could tell me how I could do that. It turned out to be quite the task. All I could find were these folded up pamphlets that had a hundred different times and locations on it. They made absolutely no sense to me. I finally asked an older balding man with a nice crooked smile, if he knew which train to take to Provo. He told me I had an hour until I caught the next train to Sandy. From there I would take the bus to Provo.
So I headed back down the road, passed the beautiful temple, and stood in a courtyard with a HUGE fountain. I seriously closed my eyes and listened to the busy street, the falling water, and the laughing kids. Hundreds of people and voices surrounded me, and all I could think about was how I was completely alone. Not in the sad, depressing way. Just in a free, wonderful way. It was an experience I can't explain, but just being somewhere unfamiliar was so exciting. There were no expectations from the strangers around me, but the expectations for myself had never been higher then in that moment. I knew I had to follow my dreams and goals, because recently doing so was making me so happy!
I was late getting to the train...of course. So you can imagine this Blonde, lost&confused girl, booking it to the station. I finally got there and the train pulled up just seconds later. I jumped on and but didn't get a window seat. So instead of watching out the window, I studied the different kinds of people. There were a lot. haha It was fun to make up an idea of where they are going and why. Like the business man in the suit or the hooded girl with sad eyes. That's when I felt the free feeling of aloneness again. When we got to Sandy, I barely made it on the bus! I was then stuck sitting by two older, kind of scary, men. Remember the whole "I found somewhere to plug my phone in." Yeah that charge didn't last too long.... so I had a lot of fake conversations on that hour long bus ride. All ending with, "yeah I'll be there soon." or "I'll see you soon." Just so they knew someone would be waiting for me :) hahaha
SO The day of wandering and getting lost and riding the train will never be forgotten. I learned a lot and It was the first time I realized this is my life and I'm going to do whatever the heck I want to. And It's going to be great. :) I finally made it to Provo and it's been a blast! I love to spend time with my sisters! Tomorrow I leave to go camping so I'm sure you'll hear more on that later :) Goodnight everyone. :) I hope you dream of magical fountains and public transportation. I know they changed my life ;) ;)
I've been at my dad's house since Sunday night and it has been really nice and refreshing. Yesterday my Pops took me out and we got the last few things to make cookies. Then I made some pretty great chocolate chip cookies...well...they were alright ;) after feeling slightly disappointed in my average tasting treats, I compensated by watching way too much of How I Met Your Mother. Which I enjoyed.
Today my step mom and I made spaghetti while rocking out to 80's music. She taught me some dance moves that, she promises, will impress some handsome guy enough to marry me. She told me it will always make him laugh. She proved her point when my dad walked in from work two minutes later and she busted a few dance moves that made my dad chuckle. My dad chuckles more then he laughs. I love it :)
After dinner we went on a walk. By we I mean my Dad, JJ, me, Charlton, and Shy. The last two are the dogs, but still very important family members :) The deeper we got into our walk, I felt like our surroundings grew greyer and greyer. The pavement we walked on, the cloudy sky, and the dismal looking houses. It was kind of depressing! But all the way down this pathway were small yellow flowers that made me stop and reflect. Sometimes you're put in hard situations or positions that overwhelm you. These beautiful yellow flowers made me realize that no matter what path of life you're walking down, you can always find something or someone beautiful.
Whatever you look for in life, you'll find.
If you're focused on the negative, you'll never find the hidden yellow flowers along the sometimes grey pathway.
It's ironic how plants gravitate towards the sun. Always searching for the rays of brilliant light that they thrive on.
Without it, they die.
And now I'm sitting here while my Dad watches American Pickers, watching him try to figure out his new IPhone. It's pretty funny to watch him dramatically slide his finger across the screen and keep his hand completely still with his finger still pointed until he knows the button he pressed worked. I can't stop laughing at him :)
Well It's been a great two days and I'm happy I'll be living closer to my Dad&JJ!
I have a feeling this adventure is going to be even better then I expected :)
So here I am.In Salt Lake City. And trust me, Moving here has definitely been an adventure. Let me start from the beginning... When this summer started I made a firm resolution that "it would be the BEST summer of my life." And until the end of June, I thought it WAS the best summer ever. But then something happened that gave me a major reality check. Someone had made it clear that I was fighting for a relationship that only I wanted. Then it hit me. Why have I been so focused on just having a good time? I mean...YOLO right??? Wrong. I suppose in a way it's correct. You do only live once. But that only means you have one chance to get it right. So instead of spending all my time debating on what to wear out or worrying about that one person, I opened my eyes and looked around me.
I was overwhelmed with the beautiful people I saw.
From my best friends, to my Mom and Grandma, and even to the guys who make me laugh on karaoke night at Applebee's. Why had I wasted so much time caring so much about someone who disappointed me over and over again? When, standing right in front of me, were some of the greatest people I will ever know. So for the next four weeks I rearranged my priorities a little bit. I Spent more time with all of them. Hoping to let them know what a huge impact they had made in my life. The highlight of my last month in St. George was just two days before I left at my last karaoke night. Along with other great people, my five best friends sat around that table. Rachel, Alexis, Shalei, Kiri, and Cha Cha. I wanted to cry of happiness thinking of what they all meant to me and how much they had all changed my life forever. I had this same feeling saying goodbye to my beautiful Grandma and my family. I know it's not forever. I know I'll be back to see my family and friends. But It's still hard to let go, knowing that everything is going to change. Knowing a lot of your relationships will never be the same. So me and my mom got in the car and drove away from the city I grew up in. Since then, it's been a whirlwind. I'll miss St. George and the comfort I feel at home. I'll miss my aunt and I having late night talks. I'll even miss the person who broke my heart. I'll miss Rachel and how there is no one in this world who understands me and my life better. I'll miss Shalei making me laugh regardless of how I feel. I'll miss my brown gurl Lex ;) who made my life so bright when it wasn't. I'll miss a lot of things and people and memories. But the truth is, ready or not, I'm going to start a new adventure and meet even more great people and find so much happiness in the life I have been dying to live. A free one. An UNFORGETTABLE one. :) I think I'm ready now, with the help of all the amazing people in my life. I know I can do the impossible because of them. And want to know a secret? I can't wait.
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